Far from where you are - Lifehouse

'I miss the years that were erased
I miss the way the sunshine would light up your face
I miss all the little things
I never thought that they’d mean everything to me
Yeah, I miss you
And I wish you were here'

It still doesn't seem real. Its like I am reading someone else's story, like it's not really happened.this song brings tears to my eyes everytime I hear it. I miss you so much honey.

shit

10 stone

ahhh that so fucking long to make and then it just fails. I mean what does it matter, it was shit anyway and even if it had worked you wouldn't have cared.

SO angry at the moment with everything.


Who gives a shit about mocks?

;P

Ahh it feels so good to be home :)

My lips hurt. i put some lip gloss on anf i think i'm allergic. uh oh.

fatty

well that makes me feel so much better about myself

I hate it here.

I mean she is way more importent than you.

I feel like I need to change, to become something more. I wish I was more like that.

She peng

I want to be her.

OMG her name is Rachel tooo :)

I actually love omegle. I am having a chat with a girl who fancies her best friend and doesn't know what to do. I feel like an agony aunt :)

Ever wished your life was a tad more interesting?

Sigh

I know it was unhealthy.


but sometimes I wish I still had it.

SnowSnowSnowSnowSnowSnowSnowSnow

Snow day is going to be weird without you babe.

Tik Tok

"Time is free, but it's priceless. You can't own it, but you can use it. You can't keep it, but you can spend it. Once you've lost it you can never get it back."

I actually can't believe how quick time has gone.
It can't be Christmas next week.
It can't be nearly 2010.
It's not right.

The nicest thing

I actually love my friends.

I just thought you would like to know :D

Oh shit.

Today we had to choose our subjects and I didn't know which ones to put down.

It scares me that I have no idea what I want to do when I grow up.

I wish I could just choose geoggerzz. I'm good at that.
I think I'll just become a hippy.

I want

Summer back. Not just summer, I want last summer. Yeah, there are things I would have done differently but I want to go back to then. I want WINGs back too.

Actually

I do mean that.

sozzzz

Okay, I don't really mean that. I am just pissed off.

Ugh today was baaaddd. I mean of all places for it to hit me, the middle of a restaurant? Come on.

FAIL

Appaza no one even wants to go to your party. Thats what happens when you are an insensitive bastard.

On myspace it said you had tagged me in a photo. I was confused.

Then I realised it was from April.

It's not fair. Why do I get to have a 16th, to have christmas, to grow old, to have kids when you are gone.

It's not getting easier :(

I am missing you a lot today.

Please come back.

BLURK

Well I happen to think that their children would have lovely hair.

Even on here I can't say how I really feel about myself.

It scares me how many memories have already slipped away.

You better be there when I arrive. I don't care how much you laugh at me with all my wrinkles and my dentures, just as long as you are there. You will still be the beautiful girl I remember and I will be an oap but I really don't care. Just promise you won't have left by the time I get up there. I want to see you again.

What do I do?

I know that I have said i will go but I really don't want to. I know exactly what you would say:
'You always choose your friends over me. Don't you love me. *sigh* Fine do whatever you want I really don't care' I don't think you understand that this is different. I don't know if I could be there knowing everything else that was happening. I know it's your 50th and know it's important but so is this. I don't know if I even care anymore. Maybe if you hadn't left me, this wouldn't happen. I suppose I should ring.

I don't know what to do.


P.S. If I so go up there you don't have to come if you don;t want to. I would like you too but I would understand.

PLEASE

I want to go to tanzania so baddddd.

Better start saving as it is bare expensive.

Wow. 3 weeks.

Don't judge a book by its cover.

I am sorry if my text offended you. It wasn't supposed to. It's just that even though it was partly my idea, I know that I wouldn't get any of the credit because I'm just boring old rachel so how could it be anything to do with me.

Wordssss

Story of my life.

Not about what you think....

can't you see it hurts to watch.

Everywhere

I am glad that you have been cremated because it means you are everywhere. In the wind, in the earth, in the rain.
I hope you are having fun up there.

wishes

I used to wish for many things
to be rich
to be clever
to be pretty
to be popular
to travel the world
to travel in time
to have my dad closer
to be able to sing
to be able to draw
to be musical
to be so many things

but if someone gave me one wish now i would wish for you.

If i was given a million wishes i would wish for you a million times over.

Until we meet again beautiful

Today even the sky cried for you.

ha

I made the mistake of believing you.

This ones for you.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TG4zXE0_7yA

I hope the weather is better up there...

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

This past week has felt like an age
yet it seems like just yesterday you were still smiling.
I can't believe I will never see you again

Who knew.

To me these lyrics seem fitting.

You took my hand
You showed me how
You promised me you'd be around
Uh huh
That's right
I took your words
And I believed
In everything
You said to me
Yeah huh
That's right

If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
Cause they're all wrong
I know better
Cause you said forever
And ever
Who knew

Remember when we were such fools
And so convinced and just too cool
Oh no
No no
I wish I could touch you again
I wish I could still call you friend
I'd give anything

When someone said count your blessings now
'fore they're long gone
I guess I just didn't know how
I was all wrong
They knew better
Still you said forever
And ever
Who knew

Yeah yeah
I'll keep you locked in my head
Until we meet again
Until we
Until we meet again
And I won't forget you my friend
What happened

If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
Cause they're all wrong and
That last kiss
I'll cherish
Until we meet again
And time makes
It harder
I wish I could remember
But I keep
Your memory
You visit me in my sleep
My darling
Who knew
My darling
My darling
Who knew
My darling
I miss you
My darling
Who knew
Who knew

God Eleanor, I am pissed off with you. I haven't told anyone because I feel that they will think badly of me. Why did you not wait for the little green man to get you safely across the road, huh? It still doesn't feel real. It's like its all a bad dream and I will wake up and you will still be there calling me a mong. I am not looking foward to the day that reality hits and I realise that you really aren't coming back. Today I forgot about you for a minute and I am sorry. I forgot that you were gone. It hurt to remember. German was the worst. You have left me as the only girl in our whole column. You would have hated the lesson, he had all the windows wide open, as usual, he made us awnser questions on white boards, as usual, and then he gave us homework. I spent the whole lesson trying not to look at your chair.

Earlier I remembered that time when it snowed and we went up to the school and you ran onto the cricket pitch and made a snow angel and then said 'I always wanted to do that' and the time at lacrosse when we spun round our sticks and try to walk in straight lines. I keep remembering all these little things that seemed so trivial at the time but now they seem important.

You be amazed at how many people loved you. there are over 3000 people in the group and over 100 of us walking for you on sunday.

I regret not being there over the summer and not going to iceland. I regret getting so drunk at Tot's and missing jans party because they are times when I could have spent more time with you and got to know you better.

An empty chair seems so much emptier when you know that it will never be filled again and a silence seems so much louder when you know the person insn't coming back.

I miss you so much and I love you.

Hope you are having fun wherever you are, our little angel.

sleep tight beautiful.

x

P.S thanks for the invite.

Goodbye my lovely.

Eleanor, Eleanor
I would do anything for another minute with you because
It's not getting easier, it's not getting easier

I will never forget you beautiful. You defiantly deserved pengest body more than anyone else in our year. Yesterday was horrible at school, you even got Mr Doherty crying. I bet you are proud. On Sunday we are all going to visit the place. I will find you the nicest flowers I can because you deserve them. We are going to wear green in honour of your love for it. I will wear my slag pants as well.

I don't think you have made me cry this much since you last beat me up at Lacrosse. I love you and miss you so much.

Goodbye Eleanor Austin. I love you forever and always.

Meet me halfway

I actually collapsed into tears earlier.
You don't realise how much it effects you until you think about it.

Eleanor

Eleanor you stupid girl. Why did you have to get hit by a car? You have made everyone so worried. I just want you to walk into school tomorrow and tell everyone that it has been a big joke and laugh at us all. I promise I will never get annoyed when you make fun of me about stupid things that don't matter. Today my mum told me something that really didn't help. I think I have cried more this weekend than I have in a long time. I then feel guilty about crying so much because I think of Molly and Alice. I had a thought today, you are going to be so hungry when you wake up because I am sure they aren't feeding you anywhere near the same amount as you usually eat :)

I made a promise today that I will make sure I treasure every moment I spend with all of you. I don't care how cliché that sounds, it's the truth.

GET WELL SOON ELEANOR AUSTIN!

Yes love, we do

I feel like we have been growing apart. Not just recently but for awhile now. It's no ones fault but I still miss it. I want us to be as close as we used to be again. I miss you.

Wow that was an eventful night

Unfortunately I can't remember any of it.


When I woke up today I felt like shit. I am never getting that drunk again. What a waste of a night. I am really sorry to all the people who had to help me. Apparently I was out cold in the bath.

I love summer fruits squash

I like lazy days.


(except for the textiles which I spent 3 hours on and haven't finished)

Daddy

Yes i am pissed off because I already give up enough of my time for you. I don't care 'how many miles' it would save you, I don't see why I should not do something just because you don't want to have to drive. If you don't want to come get me then I don't see why I should go. There is no way you are getting me in a car with that son of a bitch that you call a brother-in-law. I'll get the train up if you really want. You must know how much I hate going up there. It's not that I hate you I just hate being at your house surrounded by people who look down on my like I am the dirt on their shoes. Next time you ask me I am going to say NO its not ok for you to make me give up my time to come see you just as it wasn't ok for you to move away but I still didn't speak up when you asked me if i minded. Of course I minded, who wouldn't? At some point I am going to stop coming to visit you at all and even though you may say its because I don't like you it is actually because I really don't fancy spending every other fucking weekend in the car for 5 hours just to watch TV when I could be doing something better. I know SHE rings everyday and doesn't ever miss going to see him but I AM NOT HER. and I never will be. yes, I love you but you have to let me grow up and not make me feel so bad all the time.


There, Now i feel better.

Memories

No one ever goes on blogger anymore.


I need to stop caring and start talking.

Memeroies are odd things. Do you remeber piczo and Gwen stafani? I have had one of those days when all you can think of is the past. Does everyone have them or is it just me? Maybe its because we are supposed to be thinking about our futures but I really don't know what I want to do. I am so scared i won't get into sixth form. I don't know why it means so much to me but it does.

what do you want me to say?

What do you want me to say? that I miss you too? because even though many people think the oppisite it is true. I miss eating waffles at your dads and climbing the tree in your garden and I miss you but I never know what to say anymore.

By the way

Florence and the machine &hearts
I don't think anyone understands how badly I want to see them live.

:)

I am currently sitting here holding the bottom of my camera on so that it will charge which, as you might of guessed, makes it very hard to type. I haven't posted anything for awhile so I thought I would. that and the fact that I am v. bored.

I have been thinking about and really I don't know why I worry so much about not being close to people because really I have some amazing friends in and out of school. Yes, it would be nice to get to know people better but thats only my fault that I don't really talk to people much.

This weekend was amazing. We were meant to go to Brighton but being the tight people we are we decided it was too expensive and went to London which was lovely :) I brought this really nice cardi from Zara :) We wondered round Selfridge trying on the perfume and pretending we were rich. which I will be one day guys. I don't know how, but I will.

The only thing I dislike about going to Oxford street is that it makes me kind of depressed that I have no money.

The rest of the day, and night to come to think of it, was filled with eating ben and jerry's, mattress surfing, playing on raving rayman rabids and taking photos. Watching High School at 1 in the morning and trying to copy the dances is rather funny, as is How to look good naked USA.

All I want to say is thank you Rachel and Emma for a fun weekend and that stupid facebook won't let me load the photos :(

Diet Coke and a Chocolate bar

Last night was eventful. I can now say I have had my diner thrown at me. It is quite funny if I think about it now but it really wasn't at the time.


Anyyywaaayy today was pretty much the same as any other only I now have the worst headache in the history of the earth and I need to go find Briony's toothbrush. Swimming later for the first time in aaaagggeeesss :)

I am off to stick more pictures on my wall now :)



One question: Thorpe park or London?

Bla Bla Bla

Well that failed.

Why is K where B should be? Because Caitlin begins with a C.

Soon it will be winter. A time for big coats and woolly jumpers. A time for scarves and gloves and getting dark quickly. I am looking forward to winter but I will miss the warm summer. The long evenings and the picnics in the park.

This has been a good weekend. Live at the barn was fun. I saw Beth, who was one of my bezza mates at Holy Rood. Stefan, Beth and me, we were the three musketeers. I remember when we used to play time machine on my bunk bed because we were that cool.

Yesterday Briony and I went and had fun times in St Albans. It was really nice to do something just me and her as we have kind of been drifting apart but we are getting closer again which is good :)

Ugh I am supposed to be doing Textiles. I have been drawing for about 3 hours yet I only seem to have done one design. Maybe it is because I am easily distracted.

I realised today that this time next year I will hopefully be in Sixth form. Sixth form seems so old but it really isn't. This year has gone really quickly. Too quickly. I don't want to do my GCSE's and have to make decisions about my life. Basically what I am saying is that I don't want to grow up. I want Bernard's watch so I can freeze time right now and I can stay young and immature and not have to worry about anything in particular.

I have made a resolution: I WILL TALK TO MORE PEOPLE.

Melted face lady

Life skills. What a pointless lesson. Especially when you have the lady with the melted face. Even though it is made cheery by the amazing people named Sasha and Briony. I think I am meant to be writing a letter but that's not going to happen :)

At the moment my whole class is being serenaded by Finn.

I am very glad that they do not block blogger :)


LIVE AT THE BARN TONIGHT :) LIVE AT THE BARN TONIGHT :) LIVE AT THE BARN TONIGHT :) LIVE AT THE BARN TONIGHT :) LIVE AT THE BARN TONIGHT :) LIVE AT THE BARN TONIGHT :) LIVE AT THE BARN TONIGHT :) LIVE AT THE BARN TONIGHT :) LIVE AT THE BARN TONIGHT :) LIVE AT THE BARN TONIGHT :) LIVE AT THE BARN TONIGHT :) LIVE AT THE BARN TONIGHT :)

Mussels and Cheesecake

THE BEST RESTAURANT EVER.


I got on the train on my own for the first time ever today because I'm a big girl now :) I actually love London at night. It's so pretty, especially Covent Gardens and the West end.
In a good mood even if I am stuffed.

If you've got the money....

Today was good. <3 St Albans. We went to Eleanor's house before hand and listened to Lady Gaga and Jamie T. Sasha, Briony and Jo missed the train. Molly was perving on year sevens and Nabi's mum saw him with us :S We tried on heels and I wish I could wear them. It was a fun day though, even if textiles seemed to drag on.

One thing I have learnt today: I HATE TEXTILES :)

Words to describe.

>
My name is Rachel and I have no idea what to write. I could write a description of me that makes me sound interesting and loud but that would be what some people call lying where i just call it exaggerating, so, I am going to tell you the truth.

My name is Rachel Mary Mulcahy.
I am 15 years old.
I am 6'1. and i have grown to accept that.
My favourite film is Moulin Rouge.
I do not have a favourite book as i like too many.
I cannot reread a book because then I know what happens.
I find Harry Potter books boring.
I wish I could sing or draw or both.
I like to write lyrics.
I like singing really loud when no one else is in the house.
People say I am pretty but I don't see it.
I am naturally jealous but then isn't everyone.
I don't see the point in putting others down to make you feel good.
I am a quiet person and I wish I wasn't.
I like to bake cakes.
I wish my hair was longer.
I like acting but I would like it better if I had more confidence.
I apparently have a heart shaped head, hence the name.
I need to grow up as I act about 5.
I like parties.
I like the sea side.
I used to cry a lot but I don't as much now.
My best friend is amazing.
My favourite place is up in trees.
I wish I lived somewhere pretty.
I want a window seat in my room.
I like to be up high.
As much as I want one, I have never had a boyfriend .
I don't always feel wanted, just a tagger on who is always there.
I am getting my confidence back. well I thought I was
I am scared about failing my GCSE's. when I say fail I mean get worse than I want.
I compare myself to other people way to much.
I like it when people play with my hair.
I like it when people notice me.
I wish I didn't care what others think.
I cannot spell to save my life (thank god my internet has spell check)
I like the emoticon :)
I love raw jelly.
I do not like made jelly, especially if it is jubbled up.
I like photographs as they capture a moment in time.

That is not everything but it will do. :)

Much love
Rachel