I wish I lived up to my former self.

there is another one but effort to upload it.

You can be such a prick.

'Rachel, some of that is stuff that you remember, the rest is all shit that your mother has been shoveling into your head'

'I had no choice, there were no other jobs'

'Taila rings her dad everyday, why can't you be more like that'

The truth

You'll never find it ;)

sorry about that.

Just had a bad day.

arghhhhhh

Do you ever get the feeling that you don't belong even though you probably do, like everyone is laughing at you behind your back when they blatantly aren't.

I am in such a weird mood. one minute I am smiling and then I start crying.

I HATEHATEHATE it.

I want to be more like her, like them, anyone but myself. just for a day.

stupid stupid stupid.

Look, I didn't mean to offend you.

It's just that you are so clever and perfect and I'm really not. I didn't mean to say that I just was so happy that I did well because I was sure I was going to fail. Basically I'm just jealous. I am so scared that I am going to fail and then end up with nothing. If I don't get into sixth form I will actually cry so much. I know you are a lot clever than me.

And by the way I don't get pissed off when you do well, I get pissed off when you do well but you act like you did shit and then I look at my mark and think wow she must think i am a complete fail.

I wish I was more like you.

Why are some people so unbelievably pretty? It's not fair.

Today I had finished my exam and was looking at the people around me. When I came to where you should have been I could almost see you with your head on the desk and your beautiful hair on your back. I could imagine you coming out of the exam going ' I failed' but not caring and then laughing until you were lying on the floor at the posters for youth parliament.


I miss you.

I'm Selfish and what

As me and Tahnia were discussing, we are happier now.

True words

I'm collecting people's tears
They cried because they miss you
They filled the seas and all the lakes
With memories the wind blew
I'd run out of jars
Before a second could pass
Didn't have enough time with you
To turn the hourglass
Pictures in my head, suddenly appear
Why'd you have to go away
It's all not very clear

Goodbye sweet angel
Sail away on teary seas
Tattooed the times we had, on my memory
My legs are weak

When i close my eyes i see you
The dimples in your cheeks
I forgot to thank you for things
Cos i hadn't seen you in weeks
Woke up this morning
And hoped for a dream
But reality sat next to me
And forced me to believe
Knocked down too soon
Like a skittle on the lanes
The man took the wrong stop
From lifes's fast moving train

Goodbye sweet angel
Sail away on teary seas
Tattooed the times we had, on my memory
My legs are weak

Funeral flowers, won't make me believe
They can carry out your casket
And i'll still expected see, you, you
Come round tomorrow
And tell me all your news
I don't ask for much from you
Sleep to my lullaby
Only give me one more chance
To say my last goodbye

Goodbye sweet angel
Sail away on teary seas
Tattooed the times we had, on my memory
My legs are weak

Goodbye sweet angel
Sail away on teary seas
Tattooed the times we had, on my memory
My legs are weak

Face to Face

I understand that you will want to blame this on someone. I am not saying this in a mean way but you have had your opinion so I am allowed mine.


You spent the whole time that the eight existed telling us how you didn't need us you just needed people. looks like you did need us. You thought you were so much better than us. We were best friends once and we both changed. That's what happens, people change. I am not that much happier than I was a year ago. Life is just different. I am defiantly not worse off than I was last year.

I don't want you to be sad or upset but there is nothing much we can do about it because you cannot force people to be your friends. I do not hate you. I don't even dislike you, yet you have this pure hatred for us when it isn't all our fault. yes I admit that maybe we could have done something but I prefer the way my life is going now.

Anyway I don't understand how anyone can consider being suicidal after all that has happened. You have no right.

I hope that you can move on as we have and be happy because I do care.
Thats it. I have nothing else to say except I'm sorry for the fact that you hate me.

love you all. and I mean ALL because I do not hold grudges.

<3

You were in my dream the other night. I don't remember much about it now, just that we were in st albans and everyone disappeared apart from you, alice and me and we were in our pyjamas and we were just talking.

It was the best dream I have had in ages.


I miss you beautiful. over 2 months is too long. Come visit us yeah?
xxx

I miss being little.

I want to go back to the old days where nothing mattered and we were all certain that we would be murphys before we turned 16.

Thankgod

It isn't just me. I was beginning to feel bare bitchy.

Honey

You've changed.

2010

I can't believe that another year has slipped by. I hope that this one is better than the last. I have made a list of things that i am going to do this year and it starts today.
Happy new year guys x