What do I do?

I know that I have said i will go but I really don't want to. I know exactly what you would say:
'You always choose your friends over me. Don't you love me. *sigh* Fine do whatever you want I really don't care' I don't think you understand that this is different. I don't know if I could be there knowing everything else that was happening. I know it's your 50th and know it's important but so is this. I don't know if I even care anymore. Maybe if you hadn't left me, this wouldn't happen. I suppose I should ring.

I don't know what to do.


P.S. If I so go up there you don't have to come if you don;t want to. I would like you too but I would understand.